I am in a vortex of obligation.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
