if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
