Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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