At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
