the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
