all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize