I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
