I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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