I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
