To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
