One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had to cum in my sink.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
