You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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