If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
