Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
