No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
