Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
