don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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