i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
