Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
