I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
