Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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