If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
