if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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