You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
