Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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