just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
