im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's shark week go big or go home
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
