There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize