remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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