I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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