i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
