the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
