4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
