It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
