my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
