Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
