As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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