i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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