did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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