I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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