Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
