I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
