Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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