I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
