Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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