And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
