we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
