i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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