if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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