Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Houston, we have a squirter
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
