She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
