The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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