We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
