A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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