It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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