Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
