i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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