Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
