: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
