if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
