At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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