Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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