He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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