so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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