While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
