You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this just has baby written all over it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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