did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
