I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
