I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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