i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
