we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
