booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
