A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
