he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize