I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
