i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
