Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
