There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just gift wrapped bread.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
