Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
