Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
