Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
