your thong is hanging out like whoa
I bet he comes in French.
too bad you live with your parents still
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
