This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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