i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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