moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
