Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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