Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
