party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize