you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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