wanna go halves on a baby?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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