just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
