here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
