Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
