remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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