I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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