It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
whose parrot is this?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
