When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
