i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
