Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
