I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
