There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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