I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
