Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
