Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
